I'm Already Gone.

You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong... I stood uplifted, then broken down with shame. The thunder couldn't handle my screams, yet that loud rain overpowered my tears. Glass scatters on top of the memories, and I see your face in every old photograph it seems.

Down, down, down... This water slide isn't so fun anymore, especially since my feet can't seem to hit the water. I keep sinking from this world, but how far is He going to make me sink?

Oh, beautiful girl with a smile so wide? Who created such a blessing? Or should I say curse?

Most would spin the world out of this universe to embrace their childhood just for a day, but I, do not. I run, I run, I run til' I cannot run anymore. [Exhaustion] I'm sprinting from that childhood; Go away.

Words are jumbled, thoughts are somehow lost.
Feet stumble over each little crack in the concrete.
Love runs from my hands, hate lays on my shoulder.
Broken, damnit, I think I'm broken?
What do others think when they see this girl?
This girl I've faded into.
Shame? Disgust? Or nothing?
Do they feel absolutely nothing towards me? Like I do?

The urge to give up still lingers. It lingers like the scent of a lover. Hovering over me, taunting me, saying all the right words. And with each day that passes, and the anxiety that pushes my limit, I fall deeper into those words. Reality can't touch me; I've been lost in these dreams and nightmares for way too long.

Never enough, keep pushing. Never enough. Never, never, never. Push the limit. Push it. You can never go far enough. So push. Don't breathe. Just push, push your heart, head, sanity. Push it all.

If I'm being pushed by a past,
Then who am I living for?

September 24, 2008
(c) Stephanie Lynn