I never meant to, never wanted to
He broke up with her and I tried
I tried my damnedest
and it wasn't enough
she wouldn't smile
I couldn't make her laugh
I can't help but wonder who was hurting more
her for the loss of him
or me for her despair
and my inability to help her
I couldn't watch her suffer
but I couldn't help her
I couldn't save her
so I didn't come back
I stopped checking in
I stopped calling
I was weak,
weaker than she'd ever been
I hurt and I ran
I knew what would happen
she had all the means
all the resources
it would be easy to get them
the drugs, the alcohol
I knew and I left her to it
My weakness caused me to lose her
She was kind, beautiful, did well in school
sober, self-respecting, and happy
I see her all the time now
it's been a year or two
but it's not my friend
my friend died while i wasn't there
I don't know this girl
this addict, this drop out
this person that hangs around
for a quick lay behind a school
I don't know her, I don't...
I can't see her in this body
If I did I'd feel unbearably guilty
I'd think it was my fault
I'd think I'd killed my best friend
