Simple World

by tears i cry   Sep 30, 2009


I say I dont care what he thinks of me
I pretend im gonna be ok
But on the inside it really hurts
To keep my feelings at bay

Sometimes I think to my self
Before I go to bed at night
I wonder if hes thinking of me
I wonder if hes alright

Sometimes I look at the sky
At watch the clouds above
And I wonder what it would be like
To really fall in love

where you'd bring roses to my door
And pick me up at eight
and i'd be in a rush to get ready
we'd end up being late

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Hollymariee

    I love the idea of the poem , it's really good . I don't like the last stanza though .. You could use the second last one as your conclusion and it would sound better . There are alot of issues with the flow .. Maybe do a syllable check ? really well done .. 4/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Max Krakers

    First things first, the poem is lovely. It had a nice ring to it and got your feelings across. but there were a lot of small mistakes.
    (I don't know wether or not you left out the punctuation on purpose so I won't mention those)

    1. but on the inside its realy hurting > but on the inside it realy hurts

    2.at wacht the clouds above > and watch the clouds above

    3.When the trees are always green>where the trees are always green

    4.When everyone is happy >where everyone is happy

    5.And noone is ever mean > and no one is ever mean

    6.The would be no wars > there would be no wars

    7.Not heart ache no tears > no heartache,(realy needs a comma) no tears

    But keep in mind, i'm just giving advice. these changes won't change the meaning of your poem but it is still YOUR POEM. so feel free to ignore them.

    still, the poem itself was good and you're clearly tallented so keep it up.

    kind regards max

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