by kelleyana
Well type of repetitive poems are not my cup of tea. I am sure it would be more pleasing to read if you just put your message across other than repeating all the time. I give it a 4/5, kel. |
Great continuation of the first part. I really liked how you tied the first stanza with the last, that is the works of a great mind when it comes to poetry. Now I know this is a continuation from the first, but I didn't like the constint repetition in this one. You used the word "sick" way too much in my opinion, perhaps in some spots you could use a synynom for it. |
Hmmm yes the world is sick in many ways and its quite easy to point out. Nice work the structure was ever building however it was hard to read around the middle as you changed the structure but you most definately had a strong end. |
by xXxemzxXx
I think its a great poem some like myself may have to look up wat some of the words mean but it was definitly good i like the repitition in the first few stanzas great work and good addition to the first one i think 5/5 keep it up |
"In our sick world of final hours, |
This was a good repeat of the first poem, although the repeditivness got to me alittle bit. I like how you incorporated the first stanza with the last. again nice job |
Repetition if used wisely can as in your first enhance a poem and strike home your message, yet in this poem as it is long it became a bit monotonous it does not however take away any of the message you are trying to conveying but I must admit I found it a bit floundering and hard work to finish. A good poem but because of the repetition I would not call it excellent though it has its merits. 4/5 Ray S |