Not Beautiful {ED}

Look at me.
Stare me down.
The silence is what kills me.

There is a breaking point.
But I have no power.
You seem to control me now.
You have all of the power.

Look at her.
She is what you want to see.
Beautiful and glorious.
Nothing like me.
You love her.

The way she walks.
The way she talks.
The way she looks.
The way she moves.
The way she falls captivated to you.
She has no power either.

I am ashamed.
I can not control it.
Try as I might.

I want you to love me.
I want them to love me.
I want the world to love me.
I want to love me.

But this skin hangs in bulges.
Loose clothes to cover it.
A muffin top isn't pretty.
Rolls are meant for eating,
Not meant for seeing.

Please forgive me now.
I try to make it change.
I want to be beautiful.
I want you to love hearing my name.

I can see the way you look at me.
Disgust written on your face.
I really do want you to love me.

I try and try and try.
The words keep forming in my head.

"I won't be beautiful until I am dead."