Midnight, (& you're not here anymore.)

by vintage darling   Oct 5, 2009


The sound of a train,
that I could have been on;
reminding me that the last one's gone

None of us ever satisfied,
picking up pieces after every fight.
With you,
it's always midnight.

Memories that are sweet to me;
same ones that make me feel worthless

The voice that never ceases to give me comfort;
same one that makes me ache

The smile that ignites my own;
same one I don't want to see.

Are you blind?
I'm standing here
my heart on my sleeve,
For you.

I want a way back to you,
So weary, so lifeless,
Begging to escape this loneliness.

I want to see you in the daylight,
I don't want to be afraid anymore..
Of midnight.

With you,
It's only always been

Midnight.

**I do understand that this poem is a bit of a mess..but that's exactly where I am at this point right now. I have not been able to write anything worthy or praise for months...

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Ray Smallshaw

    There is no real flow though you tried I hate to be super critical but I hope what I am about to write will help.
    I hate lazy poetry, poetic license is good if it enhances the poem but bad grammar should not be mixed up with poetic license.
    This poem has great potential.

    1st Stanza
    L3 Simplify
    reminding me that the last one's gone
    perhaps Reminding me its the last one.

    2nd Stanza
    L1 does not make good sense
    None of us ever satisfied,
    perhaps Neither of us is ever satisfied
    L3/4 combine
    With you,
    it's always midnight
    perhaps With you it is always midnight

    3rd Stanza
    L2 not complete
    same ones that make me feel worthless
    perhaps Are the same ones---------------

    4th Stanza
    L2
    same one I don't want to see.
    perhaps Is the same one I -----

    5th Stanza
    L2
    same one I don't want to see
    Perhaps
    Is the same one I-------------

    6th Stanza
    L2/3/4
    I'm standing here
    my heart on my sleeve,
    For you.
    Perhaps
    I'm standing here,
    My heart on my sleeve,
    For you!

    7th Stanza
    L2/3
    So weary, so lifeless,
    Begging to escape this loneliness.
    perhaps
    I am so weary and lifeless,
    A way to escape this loneliness.

    8th Stanza
    L2
    I don't want to be afraid anymore..
    Of midnight.
    perhaps
    I don't want to be afraid of our midnight.!
    Any more!

    The End Stanza
    With you,
    It's only always been

    Midnight.
    perhaps
    Yet with you,
    It has always been Midnight.

    If you first write out your poem again using my ideas you will be able to see how it all fits.
    I think all good poetry requires continuous editing until it looks and feels great. Hope this helps.
    Ray S

  • 15 years ago

    by miracle

    I love that...great poem...

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