Who I Am

Each night before I fall asleep,
I send up a prayer
to the God I don't believe in,
asking for the answer,
even though the question
has yet to be determined.

I ask each night
to know where I need to go
to escape from the villain
called Memory.

If I go to the end;
to the edge of the world,
will that be far enough?
Will I be able to forget,
if I go that far?

The God never answers my questions.
Perhaps that's why
I stopped believing in him.

I don't know who I am
anymore.
And that presents a problem for me.
I've never once wondered
About who I am as a person.
The thought:
"I don't know who I am"
has never struck me
in the short time I've been alive.

Now, this morning,
that thought hit me.
I don't know who I am.
And still I find myself
questioning this realization.

Do I really not know who I am,
or have I merely forgotten?
Perhaps it was just my mood
when I awoke or
a side effect of the
pills I swallowed
that is making me think:

I don't know who I am.

A dream world is
where I've decided to dwell today.
I'm in a place I don't recognize.
Where I feel nothing,
hear nothing,
think nothing.
A place where I
am nothing.

This isn't the world
I want to be in.
And yet there I
remain; helpless to do
anything to get out

Until I remember
who I am.

Copyright 2009 S. Sieglaff