There is a 'me'.
A 'me' that claws and gnaws
the thick inner walls of my mind;
a wall already crumbling
from the impact of my own thoughts.
This 'me' desires.
It cannot live without my nonreciprocal
feelings, words, and action.
It feeds my darkened movements
and suckles my wavering soul.
I can't escape my self.
I stand, trapped, and ungrounded.
There is no red thread that surrounds me.
This 'me' wraps itself around my fragile body.
Protection. I am salvaged from the origins
of hurt, for I can no longer protect myself.
Behind the breaking walls
inside my mind that keeps me sane,
this 'me' grows sporadically
like an elongated black serpent
with it's arms swirling like slimy tentacles,
ashen by the thoughts I form in pain.
There is a sea of tears,
flooding the ground as its cry echoes within my mind.
"Let me out".
It reverberates inside me
until I can no longer find myself certain
that I am just a withering corpse,
hosting this other 'me' until I fall apart and expire.
That it will leave me, free,
while my body decomposes.
There is a 'me'.
It feeds and chews my darkest thoughts.
It swallows my pain and protects me
from its source. I cannot escape, but I do not want to.
I am its nurturer. Its mother, lover, and owner.
I cannot escape. For if I do, this 'me' that I call myself
will leave my body and manifest the iniquity
that shadows this rotting world.
