I must admit joy that you have failed as much as I feel sorrow that you have the desire

But you wrote what you feel and shared some pain with an excellent delivery

Im not too keen on this..there are far too many forced rhymes which almost made me stop reading. then i got to a bit of free verse which was nice but only lasted 2/3 lines then it was back to forced rhyming. the structure is there, the right words are there but you need to mix in some free verse with the harshness of the forced ones and i think, then, it will be less noticing.IBE