My Nightmares

You asked to know
What I see at night
That causes me to shiver
that make me not alright
So I'm going to try and tell you
What's so hard to describe
What feels so real
And cuts me inside

Every night I fall asleep,
Wake, then start crying
Sometimes the nightmares are blank
Sometime's people are dying
The least bad is I'm lying
On a bed of broken glass
But I can't even feel it
I just wait for it to pass

The blood is flowing strong
But I never say a word
And no one comes to get me
And then appears a bird
It sings a broken song
Only half of which I hear
But I know the bird is wilting
Its death is coming near

This makes me try to move
But the broken music traps
And I finally start to feel
The glass cutting into my back
And I try so hard to scream
But the music drowns my voice
I'm dying with the bird
I never had a choice

So I sing with the song
That sounds so much like a dirge
And water rises with it
Until the bird and I are submerged
As I sing my last note
And take my last breathe
I realize not saying goodbye
Is the only thing I regret

And then I wake up
Try to tell myself it was a dream
But all I can think
Is I don't want to go back to sleep

In another one of my nightmares
My mom is crying in pain
And I can't describe how it makes me feel
Word's can't explain
My heart starts to ache
And my body feels weak
I do my best to comfort her
But it's hard for me to speak

And I can't understand
Why she's so upset
Until I see myself
Lying on the floor dead
And then I think I have it
She's crying because I'm gone
But I assume to quickly
Yet again I am wrong

She's crying for the cost
To put me in the ground
And she's crying that my sisters hurt
Because I'm no longer around
She's crying for who she thought I was
Because she never really knew
And she secretly blames me
For everything I put her through

And I know she's right
I'm completely to blame
I'd bleed a thousand apologies
If that would make things change

But my body is just there
While she cries for who I'm not
My face is so cold
And I know others already forgot
They forgot who I was
Who I was supposed to be
And they put others in my place
And that's the only thing that's alright with me

I'm happy that they have others
Who can be what I never could
Could say what I wouldn't speak
And do everything I never would
But my mom, she's still crying
And my bodies still there
Cold eyes looking into mine
With a paralyzing empty stare

And then I wake up
Try to tell myself it was a dream
But all I can think
Is I don't want to go back to sleep

And in another one
I'm sitting all alone
Rocking in the corner
Of some abandoned home
And then you come up
And you speak the sweetest words
To try and get me out of my prison
And you think none of it is heard

Because it looks like I don't hear
And I never even see you
You fall silent
Cause you don't know what else to do
But the truth is I hear it
I hear everything you say
And I try to get better
Because for you I should be ok

I'm trying more then you can imagine
To escape from the everlasting hold
That somehow the devil has taken
Upon my blackened soul
But I'm not strong enough
I can't ever escape
And even though I'm not looking
I can still see your face

And it breaks my heart
To see you in pain
Because of my deficiencies
Things are not the same
The pain takes the upper-hand
And not even you can help,
Though you always try,
To save me from myself

And then you give up
You stand and walk away
Even though you hate to
Leave me when I'm not ok
Because it hurts you to leave
And it hurts that I let you go
I'm not strong enough to stop you
But none of this you know

And again I'd bleed apologies
If it would make your pain leave
But I can't have emotion anymore
My mind becomes a sieve
The pain is all that's left
It infects my entire mind
And only a small part of me can be sad
That you left me behind

And then I wake up
Try to tell myself it was a dream
But all I can think
Is I don't want to go back to sleep

The last one I'll tell you
I'm in a large white room
With a horrible feeling
Of my unavoidable doom
And then my friends are lying
In a circle on the ground
They're taking ragged breaths
I can hear their hearts pound

And then they just start bleeding
And I don't know who to save
I run to everyone one of them
To try and make the hurt go away
But I can't find the source
There isn't a single cut
They're just bleeding everywhere
And my efforts aren't enough

Then they start to seize
Their entire bodies shake
They're in too much pain
That I know they just can't take
All of a sudden it stops
Their bodies fade away
They finally died
Grave stone's take their place

I'm just standing there
I can't even move
My hands are covered in their blood
I don't know what to do
So I start to run
Because I really want to get out
But there's no door or window
That's when I start to shout

I see them in my mind
My face streaked with blood and tears
There's even blood on the walls
As I remember the years
And I always see the good times
Covered in a haze of red
Because I can't escape the blood
And I wish I was dead

I start to get hysterical
My entire system starts to break
I cry about the blood
And try so hard to wake
But the time feels so long
I can count the minutes since they died
Only remember I couldn't save them
No matter how hard I tried

And then I wake up crying
Try to tell myself it was a dream
But all I can think
Is I don't want to go back to sleep
And the last one I can't tell you
Because it hurts too much to say
As you are often in it
And it usually ruins my day
I know you want to know
But this one's just too much
I can't even write it
Words will never be enough.