Sometime I don't know what to think.
Sometime I don't know what to say.
Sometime I don't know how to tell you how I feel.
Maybe because every-time I do, I am told it's the wrong to feel that way.
But I do know my thinking can be really bad thinking and for sure I know is wrong. But for those things I don't think is wrong I am told their wrong, yet there the way I feel, and it feels so strong so how come there wrong. Though I am torn in a decision that should be easy to make because I know its wrong, yet it still kills me because I haven't made a decision. I am thinking wrong once again. LORD forgive me. Even though I don't thing he will anymore.Why You may ask. Because I have thoughts these thoughts many times. There were times I almost made these thoughts REAL!
I am told I did this to myself. These situation I am in, they just might be right. I admit I took everything in the wrong road/way but would they really have been different if I did it their way or the right way. I suppose we would never know. But since it was done wrong at first I guess it just end badly of course.
I was asked ONCE " What makes you this way?" I wish I knew myself. Sometime I wonder if I could really leave the life I once lived. It was so easy and better and I lived it so long and now to leave it...I am being asked by both of my sides of my life to be Honest. I am being asked and begged to leave the life I've lived so long by people who I love and love me. Neither of my two life want to come together as one. Though their is SOMEONE who just might make them whether they like it or not. Yet I do have a choice to stop this Human before it may do all this, because one my life may not last FOREVER like we think and this will make me deal with it whether I like it or not. Then the future is not so pretty after that. Am I really BLIND! I feel that I am not.
I am told I did this to myself.
I am told what I feel for him is wrong!
I am told if I continued my past life and decisions, I'll die.
I am told so many things I am afraid to breath, I am so afraid to even let my CHILD LIVE!!
Most of the time I am thinking.
Most of the time I rather not say anything at all because here I am NOT knowing WHAT NOW!!
JULY 19 2009
Love, Faith, Hope
October 28 2009
JAYDEN will be due Dec.8 2009 I LOVE U!
