Rainbow

I miss you. I miss it.
The control you gave me was a perfect fit.
How I ever left you, I just don't know.
You were my perfection. You were my rainbow.
The clouds once cleared before, but now they're drifting back.
What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to act?
The problem is that I want you; I haven't felt this in so long.
The urge feels much stronger than before, I know, I know, its wrong.
The thing is, I gave in. one time too many.
The scars Ive left on my body have risen, from few to plenty.
The therapy did help - the body checks and writing.
They kept me busy, not noticing how much my mind was fighting.
This addiction never ends. Although I do believe recovery can come.
The struggle though, thats the thing. It makes you feel like scum.
I was sober for so long. Why did you come back?
You are devious, hiding dormant, planning your attack.
Waiting for my weakness, as soon as I felt strong.
You know me better than myself. You always knew that you'd belong.
My life was different without you. Not as hidden as before.
I learned to speak my mind, just a little bit more.
Ive almost gotten there, letting a handful of people in.
When you come creeping back, building walls around me, starting paper thin.
But I also know you. Better than you know yourself.
The thin will soon be thick, making me hermit inside myself.
But this time I know better. You will not prevail.
I am monitoring you closely, every thought, and every detail.
You will not take over again. You've been gone for far too long.
That was your mistake; you allowed my mind to become strong.
Although I may miss you and I may think of you every day.
You were run away one time, and away is where you will stay.