When i put food in my mouth
i will choke.
it will make me sick.
when i am sick,
i panic.
i cannot breath.
i think i will die.
when i panic
i don't know when it will end.
it hurts
it is a bully
i cannot control it.
when i shake
it makes me sore
it hurts all my body.
i feel dizzy.
i don't know how to make it stop.
when i cry i panic.
i will be punished
i am bad
no tears allowed
bad girls don't cry.
sometimes the tears just come.
i cannot make them go.
when its dark.
i cannot sleep.
i see bad things.
i feel them.
i panic.
no one is there to protect me
when i wake, I'm not awake.
i am trapped inside the dream.
it is happening again.
he is here.
i feel him.
i feel it.
i don't know where i am.
i don't know how long it will last.
and when I'm with someone
all these secrets cant be hid.
they see all of my faults
my weaknesses.
they know i am bad.
they see the real me
the paranoia stars.
i need to cut
i need to bleed.
i need to be punished
for being me.
