Pain is bliss

Another day in the life and times of me
Another day added on to the last time I've seen your face
I've been counting for three years now unable to forget your touch
Unable to forget your smell or your face
I've been constantly haunted by the memories 
The memories we shared the memories we made
Trying to smile through the hail of thoughts attacking my mind
The love that we shared continuously trying to resurface
But I have to keep it at bay
I don't know if you're hurting like me or any at all
The pain that follows me is excrutiating and unbearable
I try my hardest not to miss you
But no matter what I do the subtle hints remain
I remain here in this eternal unrest 
Suffering day after day
The only reprieve I get is when I shut out the world at night and fall into that semblance of sleep
Then there comes the dawn
And like a broken record this day plays out again
Counting the days again etching that line into my skin
One more scar to remember you by 
The only way I know to keep my sanity
Doing to myself what you always used to do
Inflicting this pain rending bits of flesh from my own body 
I use this pain to remember you by 
Knowing that this is as close to you as I can be now and ever more
This pain is my drug and you are my drug dealer
I'm addicted to your quality to your knowledge to your art
This pain is blissful and until I die I will never let go.