I was really pulled in by your title and the concept of this piece I thought was brilliant. My only suggestion would be to add punctuation for dramatic pauses so it doesn't go on and on, that is up to you though. And secondly, not to use "the" so much at the beginning of each line, that kind of made it drag on. But I very much enjoyed this unique write and keep it up friend!

God bless you and Merry Christmas!

~MaryAnne

Beatuful poem
sad story...