by No Need For A Name Nov 20, 2009
category :
Love, romance /
lost love
Like cigarettes we were dragged down |
by SolemnWish
Like old habits we broke hard |
Now this piece was a lot better I have to admit. You took me somewhere with it and you had good imagery and metaphors. You still have to watch how you word things though because sometimes it doesn't make sense. "may those clay man never melt into mud" doesn't make sense when you read it. if its just one clay man it should be "may that clay man never melt into mud" and if its two or more "may those clay men never melt into mud" easy fix so I did give this a 5/5 |