Sometimes I wonder....

Sometimes I wonder how easy it would be,
Had things been different and I changed the way I see.
Sometimes I think that maybe this is the way it was meant to stay,
But I can't force myself to believe this everyday.

I wish I could convey what I feel,
Tell you that I don't want to live my life to please and upon my knees kneel,
Before this world that shattered my dreams,
Scarred me so deep tears flow down in long streams.

I wonder how different things would be had you not stepped into my life,
Had I not fallen in love would I still whisper everyday is a strife.
But I think back and wonder how sane I was,
To give you my life just so that you could see the stars.

I can't help but feel that this is not at all what I wanted,
This was never the way things were meant be and my life is only haunted,
By past events that I try my best to forget,
No matter how many attempts I make it's only sorrow I beget.

Could I possibly rip those memories out of my mind,
Hide away behind this wall hoping myself I won't find.
Could I awaken one day without you clouding my thoughts,
Live the life I've always wanted without trying to please anyone or be any different from who I really am.

Sometimes I wonder what could I possibly change,
Heartache and pain doesn't seem to go away but stays within range.
An endless battle I'm losing at every step I take,
I just wish I never knew you and never believed in love so fake.