He Said...

I enjoyed this write of yours very much! I have a suggestion: Start every stanza with "He said:", separate your stanzas and end your work with,
"I Thought..........." as I did here.
Just an old man's ideas.

He said:
"Though the sickness has never really conquered me,
it sure has taken my power."

He said:
"I live to this day with black in my heart,
stealing my breath every precious hour."

He said:
"And before I lay me down to sleep,
I want to say what you mean to me."

He said:
"You mean my love, you mean my heart,
you mean more than life to me."

He said:
"I'm sorry it has to end this way,
I don't wish to go."
He said:
"I love you and I will miss you,
and that's all I want you to know."

I thought...

Excellent content , I like the way you seperated your rhymes .. Very interesting . I don't really have any suggestions , well done . 5/5

I love this.
it's so original. and powerful.
and yeah it does make sense.
very well written :)

5/5 :)

I liked the piece it was very sad and powerful. I think no matter what we'll all die happy if we're in love. Good imagery and flow and the ending closed the poem well. 5/5 nice work

I liked this. The use of dialouge made it really interesting. The flow was good and I could telly uo really put your all into this. Very sad and emotional piece but a clever write. I enjoyed this. Nik