Drowning in Ana

Drowning in Ana

my face is gaunt.
black circles now surround the "windows to my soul".
the eyes Do not shine bright and the face does not glow.
a skeleton is what others see.
comments galore from the outsiders
"u look to thin" & "i wish i were as thin as u"
slow i move. foggy is my mind. chest pains worsen by the day.
if front of others i am happy and peppy. so full of energy
behind closed doors
i fall to my knees. hand on my chest. just trying to breathe
every so often another may see me eat. i will exercise til i feel it is gone
the ability to taste and crave are gone.
the texture of all food has changed.
nothing is delicious. nothing is appealing
the smell of food is so awful
physically I am weak
depriving led to disgust. now the body will adjust
the mind is consumed by issues that are out of my control.
falling up and down the stairs.
lack of breath
losing track of everything.
waking up not knowing what time you fell asleep
my home number. my address. the day of the week.
for the last month i thought it was still October.
confused and lost is not how i feel.

my state of mind is now a state of being