Black Hole Called Home

I'm sad,
sinking into a black hole.
I'm playing games,
I'm well aware,
for once I held a little bit of power.
But I didn't like it,
because once again,
I was the one getting hurt,
the ONLY one getting hurt.
It will never end,
a world of hurt,
it's all waiting for me.
I can't see anymore,
can't see her,
I can't do it.
I know I thought I could,
but I can't.
I have to do this.
Have to let it out.
Need to see how she feels...
It could change so many things.
Second choice...
That's what I'll always be...
to everyone.
This thing called love is tearing me apart.
Can I just choose to love one girl,
and forget the other?
When in reality I'll never be with either???
It doesn't make much sense to me anymore.
My heart is broken,
black,
battered,
and bruised.
Someone please mend it back together.
Everyone's telling me to do different things.
I don't even know what it is that I want anymore,
because their voices are drowning out all my thoughts.
It's all jumbled now.
Do I wanna wait around for nothing?
There is no way I can take feeling like this any longer.
I'm over feeling like shit.
Forever and Always,
Thats what I told her a long time ago.
It was fake.
Because I'm nothing but a fake,
God these girls have no idea.
Sometimes I wish they did,
but then I remember it doesn't matter.
It will never matter if I'm always gonna be second pick.
I wanna be someones number one.
Just for once,
I want a girl to make me feel good.
Is that too much to ask for???
I wish I could just let go,
but that sounds like suicide,
that would be fairly easy...
But I can't.
Who knows why I can't,
I just can't.
I'm beyond sad,
I'm depressed,
sitting in this black hole,
which I now call home.