As if heartache's not heartache enough anymore

For months upon months now
i've been playing games with my own mind.
forcing myself to believe that
love would be easy to find.
but i've come to the conclusion
that is just doesn't exist.
the closest i have come to find it
was the lust captured in your kiss.
but who am i kidding?
i'm sure it was a lie.
i was just a convenience
that you simply couldn't deny.
just one more tally on my list
of fukk you's life has given me.
misery is standing at my doorstep,
my only guaranteed loyalty.
however, this conclusion is a benefit,
i can stop lying to myself.
i can put back together the pieces of my shattered soul,
place it high upon my shelf
where it will stay with all is cracks
to only ever be admired.
i'm done with letting myself get hurt,
i'm broken down, beaten and tired.