Walking lonely

by Black Heart Still Beating   Dec 20, 2009


A refuge it seems
has appeared in your sights,
as the wind dances
turning your nose red.
Threatening to turn your fingers black.
With hands in your pockets, and your head down
you head on hurrying your pace.
Barley lifting your shoes,
For fear of falling.
With great luck you make it to the door
Taking your ice sculpted hand...
you reach for the handle.
Then theres just black silents
its more chilling than the wind,
that howls beyond the doors.
Another victim has escaped.
A place usually so loud
yet now there is no talking,
No children scream in laughter,
but your shallow breathing is heard.
The darkness takes the lines off the ice,
you can't see past the window.
With hands still in your pockets, you go find a seat,
next to your memories
of where people last sat.
As people arrive,
more time passes
you start to warm up.
though these things go un noted
Your arrival went unnoticed, for no one was there
Your departure goes unseen, for no one cares.
Back outside into the hunting wind.
Keep on walking,
dragging your tortured soul.
No one will ever know your gone.

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Latest Comments

  • 14 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "A refuge it seems
    has appeared in your sights,
    as the wind dances
    turning your nose red.
    Threatening to turn your fingers black."

    This was a mysterious opening and left me wanting to know more and more.

    "With hands in your pockets, and your head down
    you head on hurrying your pace."

    Didn't not favor the repeat of "head" second time, maybe word like this:

    "With hands in your pockets, and your head sadly down
    you continue on, hurrying your pace."

    Just my opinion though.

    "Barley lifting your shoes,
    For fear of falling."

    I liked these two short lines and they have good meaning that I took into consideration, I never would have thought of this like that. Also I like how you said "falling" whereas I would have though "tripping". Putting "falling" makes it seem more intense and severe.

    "With great luck you make it to the door
    Taking your ice sculpted hand...
    you reach for the handle."

    These descriptions set the scene perfectly and made everything so intense and on the edge.

    "Then theres just black silents
    its more chilling than the wind,
    that howls beyond the doors."

    "theres" should be "there's".

    "silents" should be "silence".

    "Another victim has escaped."

    This one line just sends terror down my body, simple words that mean something horrific to all.

    "A place usually so loud
    yet now there is no talking,
    No children scream in laughter,
    but your shallow breathing is heard.
    The darkness takes the lines off the ice,
    you can't see past the window.
    With hands still in your pockets, you go find a seat,
    next to your memories
    of where people last sat."

    Good scenery here, it adds to the eerieness.

    "As people arrive,
    more time passes
    you start to warm up.
    though these things go un noted
    Your arrival went unnoticed, for no one was there
    Your departure goes unseen, for no one cares.
    Back outside into the hunting wind.
    Keep on walking,
    dragging your tortured soul.
    No one will ever know your gone."

    A very mournful and haunting ending, you really know how to capture the reader.

    Good write, thanks for sharing.

    God bless you and Merry Christmas!

    ~MaryAnne

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