I wish i could hate you.
i really wish i could.
you never really gave me a chance, you just came in and swept me off my feet, telling me what i wanted to hear. i should have listened to what everyone told me... they said you get bored with girls to easily... i didn't listen. i just tried with every fiber of my being to keep you interested. i tried as hard as i could. i kept trying to be the girl you wanted. and i wasn't being me... that was a big mistake. i told you every detail of my life... and i cant believe i did that. you knowing those things could ruin my life. you could easily hurt me with that. i shouldn't have told you anything... yet i did. that was a mistake. i thought everything was fine, but apparently it wasn't. you broke up with me... and smiled while you did it!! you smiled! was it funny to you that you were breaking my heart? did you find it humorous to know that i broke down and cried after you left? i don't understand. you smiling made it so much worse... nevertheless you broke my heart... even now.. after so much time has past.. i still think of everything.. and it still hurts all over again. you text me all the time and that doesn't help either. it would have been our 1 year anniversary last week and you just had to text me and say.. "happy WOULD HAVE BEEN 1 year anniversary." I'm guessing you thought that was funny too huh? do you know that most of my nights are filled with memories of you? i can hardly sleep in my bed when i think of all the times i feel asleep in your arms and i laid there curled up against your chest. everything i look at reminds me of you. why cant you let me get over you. i pray to god every single night to take away those feelings i have for you. i wish i could erase you from my life and my heart. i cant cry anymore because i have no more tears to cry. you have taken all of them. you will not let me forget that you exist. please. why? i wish i could tell you all of this. that i feel this way. that i still love you and that loving you is actually tearing me apart because you don't love me back anymore. its gone for you. you were no longer interested. i cant move on because i compare every guy to you.. do you know what thats like? i want to hate you so much! you don't have any clue how much i want to hate you. i want nothing to do with you but at the same time i want all of you. if i had known that you were going to cause me this much heartache.. i never would have said yes to you. i would have told you no and gone on with my life. but you captured me. you made me believe that we would be together for awhile. you told me many thing that were not true.. you told me you loved me after a week of dating.. i guess i should have figured you didn't mean it then huh? silly me.. falling for Jordan's tricks again. i want you to know something... out of our whole relationship... i do have one regret. my one regret is ever having met you....
