Sometimes I feel as if I'm not heard, as if the words
coming out of my mouth sounds like white noises.
...Have you ever felt so unheard?
I get these feelings every time I say something that nobody
is listening, no matter what comes out of my lips,
and I have to catch myself
fast enough
to stop midway before I start to realize
that my words are too unimportant.
Don't you understand the words coming out of my mouth?
I still haven't found someone to talk to.
It is killing me, mentally and psychologically.
I am brainwashing myself and I have made myself willing
under the trap I fell prey against myself.
These written words are the only way
I can convey exactly how
goddamn painful it is when my chest clenches,
my breathing hyperventilates,
my heart throbs,
my head hurts, and
my eyes stings
when I hold the tears back every time
I sew my lips shut one long thread a day.
...Are you willing to listen to me now?
Of course not.
After all, these words I have written are just lines and curves
and these words are just noises coming out of my mouth.
