Your cancer battle

In the beginning they believe it was muscular…
You asked if the cancer could be back…
The scans all said no…
The pain just grew more unbearable every day for you.

Good Friday came around
You got admitted to hospital for the third time…
And you never came home…

Days turned into weeks
The weeks turned into months
Nothing happened,
Then the tests showed u something after you had a fall

There it was plain as day cancer… lesion in the shoulder… but no that wasn’t enough it was later revealed that it was in your bones half your torso attacked with this cursed mutations eating at your body

You were immediately transferred to Moorabbin the cancer hospital…
More weeks passed…
you got worse and worse…
you became dependent on oxygen, you needed help to do everything, your strength was rapidly fading just like your appetite.

After a time they were able to manage the pain, you slept a lot more and became disoriented… then there was talk you could come home, but I was already helping to take care of you so much that I couldn’t do it full time

So after the radiation was complete…
It was announced that chemotherapy was not an option you were too weak…
By now there was complications fluid on your lung that proved to be lethal too for it was infested with cancer cells… and lets not forget the lymphedema

Now your transferred to the horrid Bethlehem where my grandmother had passed away of liver cancer… same ward possibly even the same room…
Now they attempted to do physio but by now damage was done…
You deteriorated rapidly not even a visit from our kitten Midnite was enough to bring you back to us. I was watching you waste away slowly…

They drained some of that fluid away… before you ended your journey at Clayton hospital oddly enough the place where you gave birth to me… you started out the same, but in one afternoon the change was impossible… full oxygen and you couldn’t even breathe properly, you body was on fire and you only had on one of their nightgowns from the procedure

You were stable for 48 hours, but it was now obvious you were terrified of what was coming you knew it as much as you tried to fight still, we know you knew because you asked us to stay the night nearby your bed and thus the pattern was set for those next couple of days… that last 36 hours infection hit the next 24 were critical for should you not win by that point you would die… we came in one morning they’d moved you down the corridor to critical full time care family and Anne visiting often.. It was obvious now the end was near… it was discovered that you organs had risen and were squashing your lung they arranged you to be on a half way upright level so you were more comfortable… this was found to be a possible result of the radiation therapy it had somehow frozen the diaphragm nerve that held you organs down

That last morning Crystal was there… Everyone had been to see you that day except Anne
Dad and aunty di went to talk to the doctors while we stayed with you… I held your hand and spoke to you but the sign I refused to accept was that you were ready to go at any moment because you never woke up that day…

We went down to lunch and during that time you started to shut yourself down and leave us
A nurse rushed to find us at the end of our lunch and rushed us back to your room, curtains drawn doctors and nurses all around… that 2 mins was all you needed to say goodbye… I knew then we were too late, I should’ve asked you to stay but I didn’t I just told you that I loved you... the doctor and psychiatrist came out and took us to the day room he told us that you had been declared dead and you would be put in the room next door so we could say goodbye

Dad and dotty left to make calls and once that room cleared I cried into my best friends shoulder while she shed tears into mine… moments later the nurse showed the 2 of us to where you lay peaceful… I realised you hadn’t made that 24 hours I didn’t want to leave your side but after 2 hours your fingers had started to go blue and you began to feel cool to the touch… I found your glasses so you could see and be seen to us I brought your rose home that you held and it still sits nearby today.

And thus your battle with cancer was lost, you fought long and hard, and we could ask no more of you. R.I.P mum