Confused, broken and torn

Alone in this world,yet with the best woman in the world
Eyes blindfolded by the pain of the unknown.
The older I get, the more I fear
That the reason my inner rage grows is because the truth is near.
Confused for most of my life
Till I finally fought back the demon,my brother to be precise.
Why would he do all those things to me?
Make me fear the only childhood I would ever had, and make all joy cease to be.
Who was he really?I don,t think he even knew,
Changing personalities every 15 minutes, everyday was something new.
One day he was my brother and the next a monster
The next day an angel, while all the while claiming to be my sponsor.
Was he the boogie man that ever child fears?
Is that way I never was scared of violence,blood, gore; I never shed a tear.
Was the fear I had inside for him deeper than any movie or scary story,
Its sad that my older brother was the demon in my dreams,illicit and gory.
As time goes on and the distance grows
I think of all the memories, all the untold stories no one knows
All of the good that I spoke about to everyone was just lies
All of my childhood taken from me, my innocence bound and tied
I live with this rage that no one can understand
where does it comes from,cause im usually the one offering the helping hand.
I lived on edge for all my life because of him
And finally, breaking the chains, I learned to let me hate grow thin.
Will he ever change, will he ever learn to look at himself in the face
And see all the hurt he has caused to me, and everyone all over the place.
Does it all stem from our dad?
Who taught us very well the definition of angry and mad!
Was it my father that started the trend,
Did he do unspeakable things to my brother who was too young to contend?
Should I even care about what happened in the past
If I am now older, wiser; should I let the pain surpass?
Or do I keep investigating, do find how who
Really did these things to me, was it just one or two.
Could it be both my father and my brother who sodomized my brain
To the point that I had to lie about who I was, just to sustain
Any hope or any chance that I would get through it all
But,was that just another tool, given to me for my downfall.
I have a beautiful wife, who loves me and motivates me to succeed
I can help but feel like he deserves better, than someone like me.
She can live her life with someone who has this inner,dark rage
My hate for my past grows to the point that I should be locked in a cage.
I often feel like I should just end it all
Not take my life, but rid the one that made me crawl
For all my life, and never given a chance
To be myself, and let my life enhance.
I don,t know why I write this,i know no one out there even cares
I,m just just one more sexually abused child, with just a stupid story to share.