Well i really like it i mean i dont see much wrong with it but i mean most people wont be happy with their own work i mean in my opinion you did a great job |
by KJ
This is MY vision |
Lovely. This was a topic I thought was generally well used. I loved the flow and rhyme to it. Also it had a significant meaning. There is so much pain in the world and people don't see it. |
I like the poem, but i felt that the rhyming was a bit forced, and i woulds= advise to mix up the vocab, but all in all good work |
by Lady Nik
I like the message of the piece. I agree with you. I hate war and I think it's one of the things that's wrong with the world. I like how honest you are and how sincere your words are. You had a lot of problems with your mechanics so I would work on those. Kay Jay pointed most of them out, so I'd look at her comment and fix the things she suggested. I think this would have been a lot better if it was free verse. Your ideas seem forced by the rhyming words and I didn't like that much. You have very strong viewpoints and the rhyming messes that up. Anyways nice work. Nik |