Up in the air

Everyday to be taken one at a time,
Can't wait to hopefully be normal again,
For my childhood secrets to finally escape,
The darkest of clouds to finally be lifted,
Teenage years to be forgotten,
Need a new leaf to be turned over,
Full recovery from what is still a mystery,
Away from everything being up in the air.

So often now the voices overtake,
If it's not that it's my past haunting me,
Endless appointments still no diagnosis,
Temporary medications sending me crazier,
Spinning out total loss of control,
Pushing away those i wish i could hold close,
Too sick to let them close,
For I'm a danger to them as much as i am myself,
It's the way things are at this present time,
Up in the air.

One second I'm OK the next something goes wrong,
I can't hear you or tell you are even there,
All i have is one hundred and one voices yelling in my head,
Guess that's better them making no sense,
For when they make sense they tell me my life needs to come to a end,
Sometimes i think it's be thinking it others they make me believe it,
Defiantly not facing life's normal up and downs,
In only seconds i can flip totally around,
Every second, every minute, every action of mine
Up in the air.

Too sick to face going out alone,
Without a worker by my side it's impossible,
Fell like I'm going to loose those who matter most,
Can't see them have enough trouble just talking to them,
When will this all end,
A lifetime of hell finally coming out,
Being discussed i can't hide from it now,
Glass doors, blades and walls my new best friend,
When the days are darkest it's my escape,
Though they haven't done enough,
Some day my day will come,
But right here right now it is all,
Up in the air.