by Kuro Jan 28, 2010
category :
Friendship, family /
broken friendship
The petals wither from my palm |
by Rachel RTVW
You lost me in the last line of the first stanza. That is a perfect example of a forced rhyme. Honestly after that I just didn't want to read anymore but I did and you have more forced rhyming throughout the piece. I think you had a relatable foundation but it needs some work. |