Slipped Away

by Of Sweet Insanity   Feb 11, 2010


I see the way you go and say you're right again.
All this time I've been trying to be your best friend.
And my world was shattered the day you broke free.
You slipped from my heart and left me so emptied.
The poster child, always got what you wanted.
Never finding the passion you so desperately hunted.

Leaving the world with the sound of my screaming
Awaken from a nightmare to realize we're not dreaming.
Leaving a mother and father and daughter.
And you left a note. Why did you even bother?
A gallon of vodka to burn your throat like fire.
Blacked out and passed out, you finally retired.

Bro, it's just a fact that you left with conditions.
They say I could've stopped you if I'd only listened.
But I was too stubborn and so was the world.
And time won't erase the pain we've unfurled.
Now I promise I'll cry everytime I hear your name.
And I'll never forget that last look on your face.

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  • 14 years ago

    by SolemnWish

    Ok ur going on my favs. And so is this poem.
    Look, ive been through something similar (that is, if im getting the message right) and i know its difficult and not something easily forgotten.

    I never stopped while reading this. I read it in one breath and that means that the flow was PERFECT. Im jealous. 5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by Kuro

    Beautiful Chaos has some good suggestions, but they aren't nessesarily needed.

    i liked it. the feelings were there. but honestly, if not for you telling me about this about your friend that died, it would have been hard for me to make that connection.

    but all of your rhymes sounded good together. thanks for sharing, and im sorry about your friend. :(

  • 14 years ago

    by Beautiful Chaos

    This almost has a musical quality to it, could be a good song.

    "You slipped from my heart and left me so emptied."

    I think you could change this to empty and it reads just fine and I think accomplishes the rhyme you were going for or so it seemed.

    "Never finding the passion you so desperately hunted."

    Again if you were actually going for rhyme, I think you could use "daunted" in some way, for example:

    Never finding the passion so desperately daunted.

    Overall though I enjoyed this and the musical tone it had, a nice read, good work.

  • 14 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    Very sad piece hun :( I can tell it's personal which makes it so well written. Nice work. Nik

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