Not Master of my Mind

Dusty, squeaky clean bones tucked from sight
Hidden, buried, afraid to experience the light.
A secret, a mistake, a piece of me,
My smiles mask the presence of who I ought to be.
I am alone, I am afraid to spill my catastrophic oil,
Polluting, destroying my false but content habitat, already in turmoil.
They stare into my soul but see pitch black eyes,
They listen and believe my voice, smothered in lies.
I kick, I scream, I ball out for equality,
I cry, I regret but my conscience won't let it out of me.
I move my lips with the intent to squeal,
My lips betray me by saying the opposite of how I really feel.
Love is my addiction yet heartache puts me to sleep,
Misery is my foundation and anger my retreat.
I stare I look appalled at my own reflection,
Who is this impostor I see who has stolen my elation.
Im lost, im depressed, ive fallen to pieces,
My conscience ripped myself to shreds without anesthesis.
I squeeze tears of disgust, a fallen soldier I left for dead,
I lost my sane in the battlefield inside my head.