Hey, thats was a pretty good poem, you might want to think about re-wording it or rhyming every second line, it didn't flow so well. It was a good idea to write about though, don't take the creative critism to heart, i'm not trying to be mean, keep writing.
Luv,

-Blue ^_~

hey-it was a good poem-keep writing yeah- i somtimes get that urge too, of just writing something down even if it isnt true. it helps to get my feelings out