Okay, i definatly see where your going with this and i see what your going for. its just a little hard to understand and reead. but i think you just need to go over and analize allllll of your spelling and maybe find some way to break it into paragraphs just like skip a line for dramatic effect or somethingg. but all in all this was a pretty spiffy writee(:

I agree with Second to None, it is good and you do need to find a way to make things flow better

I think you have something here, and there were parts that were really good, and the title is very intrigueing. But I would edit more if I were you, and maybe have a more variety of word choice. In poetry the words you use and how you use can make the piece impeccible. Hopefully that helps :)

Needs some spelling Help but I love the flow the way it is. A poem is what you make it & what YOU recieve from it. If someone reads it wrong and don't like the flow thats their fault. Poems are from the heart and you did a great Job! I totally understand what you were saying. Once again tho, spelling. but thats all the flaws I saw. 5/5 =-)