Falling into an echo

I like how you used the repeating lines, “falling into an echo”. It gave the poem a sense of repetition. Each time it was used, it followed an example that was interesting a unique. Nicely done.

A few suggestions:

“she pray he lay beside her on those quiet nights.”

^maybe try “she PRAYS he lay…”^

“She feels his lips so comforting. She wants to”

^maybe try “she FELT his lips, so comforting. She wants to…”

Also the spacing is a bit inconsistent. You could try double spacing everything so it looks the same. Or you could group after every line “falling into an echo” like this:

I hear your voice at dawn
your footsteps down the hall
You'll never leave me. You never left me.
The ticking of time resounds in my mind.
Getting louder and louder , and yet louder still.
Then she walks into the world and realizes she is just
falling into an echo.

They dance across the floor but her footsteps are the only sound
She makes breakfast in bed but his food lay cold
A friend calls to check on her not them
She's just…
falling into an echo

The relief she feels when her eyes deceive her
she pray he lay beside her on those quiet nights.
She feels his lips so comforting. She wants to
Fall into his echo

Very different but as I've said before different is good, well in your case better than good; amazing.
5/5, Em

Amazing!!! so vivid and so deep in depth!!! one of my favs from anyones i have ever read!. its so hauted and bitter-sweet.

victoria

Wow, very creative piece. I loved how this was written :] Welcome to the site, I think you'll do well here. Nik