I lay dormant in a casket
of depression and uncertainties

A strong visual for the reader to see..its like
you are locked within a box where depression and uncertainties lives..very well
portrayed...take care

"Enigma plagues unknown answers-
of what has transpired of this love.
The audacity to leave me behind
only to start a new beginning-
has left me stumbling into
a fruitless state --"

Very strong beginning; I'm interested.

"I'm alive yet barely breathing.

Tangled in a web of chicanery-
searching for an escape
from this intricate situation.
Faith is but a faint light
of apple cinnamon scent-
nothing left to believe in
for I'm now lead astray--

and I'm all alone; suffering."

Tangled in a web- I can feel that. You have such a magical way with your words here. Your poetry style here keeps me wanting more. No errors from what I've read so far!

"Strenuous days follow-
as I lay dormant in a casket
of depression and uncertainties.
Tears cling to my wan cheeks of loss-
never quelling this discomfort.
Ingenuous was I, and yet--

I deserve to pay this price?"

A casket of depression- genius, no doubt. A few big words here I'm unfamiliar with and so I don't quite understand this stanza... Simple solution: I expand my vocab! Ending this piece with a ? was perfection. Absolutely.

"This may leave me in debt-
struggling to make frayed ends meet.
But I will smile each day-
for you have a beautiful beginning-
one of which you are most deserving of.

I just have one request before you go--

please don't forget to remember me."

WHOA THIS END IS PHENOMENAL.
You did a PERFECT job. I can't think of anything to change or improve on in this last piece.
The best line,
"struggling to make frayed ends meet. "
I can see that! I loved it.

You deserve a 5/5, all the way. 6/5 even.

-H

It is another sad poem from you. Hopefully soon there will be happy ones.

An excellent poem and a very sad one. It was filled with so much emotion and the imagery you have in this poem is excellent. You have great talent and I'm glad to see you use it in such a sad piece. Good job.

This was so heartbreaking and sad, I know you are going through a lot yet you still smile, and I am here for you, you aren't in this alone to suffer. God's love is always with you and shining so brightly especially this happy Sunday.

Happy Easter dear and may things get better.

~MaryAnne

Wow, excellent. it was a little painful to read cuz my ex fiance went to boot camp and sent me a break up letter a week before i was supposed to see him graduate, and he pretty much left me behind for a new beginning.
thanks for writing it, even though it was painful i enjoyed reading it.

Such a sad/dark write you have penned Temps Lol. With words that convey such deep emotions.Your word choice is unique/excellent in conveying your thoughts and feelings to the reader... and this poem is a winner, and so are you :))

Keep your head up... and keep smiling.
Lol, Olwin.

You're a gem.

My favourie line....
"struggling to make frayed ends meet..."
So profound, Lol.

Amazing wording
amazing flow
amazing creativity
deep well penned emotions
what else can i say?
oh yes,perfect ending.
bravoo!

Excellent work.

Wow.. this poem is so touching and well-written! I can really relate to this poem and it really affected me! Wonderful words.. and expressed so beautifully.. It's as though you wrote my feelings! Great job with this poem!

This was my favorite of all:
"Tangled in a web of chicanery-
searching for an escape
from this intricate situation.
Faith is but a faint light
of apple cinnamon scent-
nothing left to believe in
for I'm now lead astray--

and I'm all alone; suffering."

you feel like there's nowhere to go and that every path you take is the wrong one. you start to feel like you're the only one that's suffering. i can relate to this feeling. great job with this piece. :)

Congrats on the win Temps, very well deserved as always!

God bless and have a good week :)

~MaryAnne

Yay :] congrats deary. Amazing piece as always. Well deserved. *hugs* Nik

Congrats on the win Temps :)
*hugs

WoW!!! Very deep....Great Poem!! I loved it!!

Deep, Loved it : )

The usage of your words are very compelling, it really touches the readers deep. I like the sincerity at the end of the poem, it really struck me. I think after all that has been done and said, all you really want is for the person to remeber you.

Well done and congrats for the win.
It's a well deserve win indeed:)

Dont forget to remeber me.. this poem touched me to the heart beats..
i dnt feel gd anymore haha..hmmmm ok realy deep..i loved this work..well done
5/5

I like this poem it reminds me of joseph the dreamer but anyways good poem i learned a few new word overall i enjoyed reading this work of art but i feel like you could had used different words that could had conveyed your thoughts even better none the less i enjoyed reading this.

I just love love love that opening stanza..the last line..where u said fruitless..spoke to me loudly..well done

I'm alive yet barely breathing.
^^this is common but serves the sad mood ..and bitter one

Tangled in a web of chicanery-
searching for an escape
from this intricate situation.
^^such a very well described stanza..I feel so much sadness...as if u are smothered with your words!!

Faith is but a faint light
of apple cinnamon scent-
nothing left to believe in
for I'm now lead astray--
^^^wow..ur leaving me speechless more and more..with ur poetry jacey!..through this stanza I have seen someone who's feeling hopeless and wishful..enough that they don't have a believe that they would get what they are yearning for!

and I'm all alone; suffering.

Strenuous days follow-( I LOVED this one...)
as I lay dormant in a casket
^^very well said..
of depression and uncertainties.
^^^too bitter..
Tears cling to my wan cheeks of loss-
never quelling this discomfort.
Ingenuous was I, and yet--

I deserve to pay this price?

please don't forget to remember me
^^^OMG..this was a heartfelt piece..with passion..emotions..sadness and wishes..I believe if this is personal then u have poured all your feelings in! If not..then u are that much creative to be able to write something that much deep
5/5 SURE