A letter to my pathetic Father

Dear Dad,

I'm only writting this to let you know, of all the hurt you caused me. I used to hate you. i bitterly hated you, for leaving me behind, as if i was an old girlfriend, instead of your six year old daughter. For the longest of times, i felt unworthy. unworthy of love, of being inlove, of falling inlove. Never have i let myself get into a relationship. you know why? because of you!! You are the resason everytime im about to get into one, i stop myself thinking, "If my own father was unfaithful to my mother,than what if another guy does that exact same thing to me?" What if im not good enough? You are the reason for all my insecurities. And now, i dont feel anything for you anymore. You want me to love you, and understand! God! to Understand why you did what you did! How can i understand infidelity, when i value honesty and trust?

You sent me a video not to long ago of when i was a baby. and i saw you care for me. i saw you say endearments to me, and i thought to myself, how can i see someone care for me soo much, and then leave me behind, in another country, with people i barely knew, and a language i barely understood, without looking back? How could you have left me at six years old, expecting me to adapt to having nothing, comming from having everything! How could you have done that?

Now over eleven years have passed, and you're just another person in this world. Not my father, not even my friend. Just someone who just recently, Just Recently! Decided to begin sending me money. God! you couldn't have done that before? when my mom really needed it? For food, for clothes, for shelter! No, but in your selfish thought of mind, my mom was gonna sepnd it for her, and for her only! How selfish can you be to think that! every penny she earned was to make my life better! We started from Zero Ground! and everything she did, all the sacrifices she made was for me! so why send me money now? because you are sure that i'll use it instead of her. How utterly pittiful you are to believe that!

Now i sit here, longing for the dad i never had. And for the rest of my life, i know i will move on, no, i already have. But you, you will have to live the rest of your life knowing that because of your bad choices, you lost something great. You lost me.

I pity you, because fot the rest of your life you will have to live with the regret of having done what you did, knowing perfectly well, i will never be in your life.

So live in your regret dad. Painfully and utterly alone, because i know, She has already left you, for doing exactly what you did to my mom.

So go live your life alone, because no matter how many affairs you have, that's how you'll end up.
Painfully, and Utterly Alone.

Ally

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If you stood by me, and read this whole thing, Thank you. I know its not great, but i had to let some of my feelings out.

Ally