I dared not speak aloud
And thusly lost my voice of reason,
And in doing so, I have become a faded memory.
I dared not look upon the shallow truth
For in the sight of what I wished to never see,
I saw only misery
And myself falling further into madness.
I could not hear past such bitter lies
Of so sweetly-spoken masterpieces of foul deceiving,
Could not hear the blatant misspoken fiction
Woven through precious praises I so sought
And yearned;
I drowned in my blessed bittersweet delusions.
I wished not to feel the painful pulses of wishful
thinking,
The same wishful thinking that stained my heart
And left no more than decayed nothingness
Of absent honesty and cautious cherish-ment
Of which I never understood.
I dared not to feel the malicious kisses
That sang of loathing attachment and callous caresses
From duty-bound fingertips as they licked my body,
Allowed it to twist so pleasantly
In the withering falseness of deluded sentiment.
I could not write in words so hollow of what plagued my
clouded mind,
Lost in the translation of whispered licks
Of dear nothings I had all but grasped.
Alas, thou tryst as I might,
I spoke of reasoned love
And so forth swam in the salted tides of an empty truth So bidden to lay upon my tempted heart,
A burden of tenfold madden-misery
Which blinded me to where I never gazed
Upon the forewarning signs of broken pictures of lies
Wrung forth in a plague of befallen loathing
That ingrained upon my hollowed heart
Like fine-painted graphics of disturbing rotting corpses.
In my darkest moment
I yearned for more than the decayed falseness
Of my delusion mind which so deafened the cries
Of pitied attachment and vacant cherish-ment.
Along my drowning dip into the ocean
of consuming anguish,
My heart beheld a rare mistake:
In that I fell away into the lost translation
Of distorted moments of bitter nothings
That so softly grazed my ears in somber honesty.
Ah but pity me,
For now I see all hidden truth between tender lines
That spell out a forlorn song of malicious love!
Thus, here and now,
In this blanked night
So lost without the burning light of twinkling embers,
I lie on my bed of hand-woven sorrow,
Mind lead astray by one once called,
In my ignorant manner,
My one true Beloved,
Who but all left me alone in my alienated sufferance, For that of another's affection,
To waste away in my own personal damnation.
