Struggling And Pushing

As the start of my nineteenth year begins,
I try to find a way to deal with all the struggles,
all the nightmares that haunt me constantly,
trying to find an inner peace in tragedy.

Peering into a darkness that has consumed me,
hoping to find a glance of light to walk me through,
searching for answers in all the lines of pain,
waiting for the words to become clear to me.

From the divorce to losing someone dear,
from the endless tears to the painful fights,
if everything has a reason or a purpose,
what's the reason for all those tragic things?

If every year begins starts so painfully,
then why do I keep fighting on and on?
I'm still fighting after all these things happen,
still pushing through everyday looking for peace.

All those nights searching for the answers,
crying in agony; hoping for something to come,
waiting for solutions to my endless problems,
ending in slices upon my bloody arms.

As the years roll on and on filled with disaster,
the answers still so unclear to my clouded mind,
I pray for strength to help with this never ending battle,
and hope that I can keep pushing myself onward.