Daydream Lover

Nice poem!...I'm on to your next poem!lol
5/5

Oh, my. This is gorgeous. It seems so heartfelt! Love is a tricky subject to write about, because it's hard to make it sound.. uncheesy. Haha. This doesn't seem cheesy at all, but rather quite lovely.

My favourite part of this piece are these lines:
"I read the poem she wrote with her low self-esteem
She learned to love before she learned to dream"

The second line there says so much, even though it is written simply and easy to understand. Wonderful.

One more thing - in the second stanza and in the fourth stanza, you use the line "Eve of my dreams. Oh beautiful Eve of my life." but I noticed that in the second stanza, there is no period after "Eve of my life" as there is in the fourth stanza. Just a small thing I noticed.

Overall, this piece is brilliant, to put it simply.

Five out of five. [5/5]

`Briana
(sorry for the delay!)

Day dream lover...what an amazing title

ur 1st stanza is a very interesting opening, and the rhyming was realy strong and flowed well

I love to daydream to escape the darkness of night

>> waw yes how true...how sooo true.. i so love the mind u have !

To forget about the times I let her out of my sight
Eve of my dreams Oh beautiful Eve of my life
If dreams came true she would have been my wife

>>> she would have been...u knw they say saddest words of tongue or pen " it might/would/should...have been. BUT you know
sometimes the wind blows against the will of the ship...doesnt it :)..amazing stanza

I love to daydream to escape the darkness of night
To forget about the times I let her out of my sight
Eve of my dreams. Oh beautiful Eve of my life.
If dreams came true she would have been my wife...i love the repetition ...makes us like just be sure of how you feel. wise move ..i loved these lines...esp the truth that to forget we need 2 take off these ppl some times things away from our sight...2 avoid memories

Now I'm trapped in imagination ,while she's in paradise
Her soul's in heaven though her heart's cold as ice
I don't know if she would have it any other way
So I'll just sit here dreaming in the middle of the day

omg...gave me goosebumps..ur ending is pretty surprising..u never lead us where u wana..unless its ur closing stanza and i think thats very wise..esp that u give us excitation and joy///to figure out

Im really impressed by this poem...and i understood it completely so its my dearest of ur work for me..well done

5/5

Sucha deep write,really shows the emotions,, long read but. Defently worth it, well done :)

"To forget about the times I let her out of my sight"--This felt vague and unsubstantial, and I was disappointed that it was part of the poem's refrain. That fact alone helps demonstrate the less-than-whole effort I sensed throughout the poem. For example:

"It seems in this old world there is never enough"--This felt used and, again, vague. The addition of "old" doesn't lend the line any freshness.

"though her heart's cold as ice"--Although you used the metaphor to mean a different thing than it normally does (implying death, I thought,) that doesn't prevent it from feeling powerfully cliche.

I liked the very last line much better than the rest of the poem. It had a tone to it that I would have liked to see throughout the rest.

I have to admit I'm being quite a bit more harsh than I would be for most users on the site, but it's because I know that you're an experienced writer and therefore that 1.) you can take the criticism, and 2.) you can do better. Some poems are better than others.