I looked down from the balcony
and jewels winked up at me, flashing
small beautiful bursts
from around the necks of girls, singing
It was a beautiful moment
I swayed back and forth with a grin,
snapped my fingers, clicking with energy
I sang and smiled
danced, with friends around me,
and when we were done, the audience laughed and applauded...
That was a merry moment
There have been those kinds of moments
But I ride down the sidewalk
Frigid air whistling over my bony hands
and creeping up my pant legs, chilling my shins and knees
And my nose runs, trailing down my upper lip, and I wipe it away
with a bare finger: I lost my gloves this week
I lost my hat once, and then found it on a railing somehow
and that,
that made me happy--that was that same night on the balcony
But that night, I had no one with me
I talked to the girls next to me a little, but I didn't know them
To my left there was a couple, affectionate, holding each other
But my seat was single.
I have had friends at school;
we've regularly shared an hour in the morning
in between classes, and felt comradeship, togetherness
But at the end of the day, I ride home alone
And I sit at my desk for long hours,
closing my door when my roommates get too loud
So I'm making a change--deferring a semester and transferring
To live in an apartment with old friends, best friends
Because--and I don’t want you to misunderstand--
I am not
miserable,
