When I Cry

When I cry
I lay myself down to sleep
I pray to the lord that I don't make that final leap
Over to the spiritual side
So if I die before I wake
I pray the lord will choose my soul to take
Cos when I cry it's for honest reasons
That I can't properly explain
It may anger people, but all I can say is
Misinterpretation is a part of the game

Born into a family that nobody trusts
It's full of people whom back stab, cheat and lie
Look at my facial expression, full of disgust
My pulse racing, sending my pulse high
I'm lucky I can watch from the outside in
I hear you criticize each other, with your sniggering grins
When is the peace and harmony going to begin?
All of you make me feel emotionally ill
No wonder I feel this way still
I'll probably be an old man before I understand
The differences you have with each other
This is why I have to live my life
With pen and paper close to hand
I feel all the bad vibes you give each other
It makes me feel sad,
Thank god I can ink my emotions into this notepad
Can't you all just sit and take stock
On what's happening in your lives
You got me sleeping with tear streams
And in my dreams people screaming
No one notices when a close relative feels down
So what is the meaning, when I cry?

Oh why, do I have to hide these feelings inside
Deep in my tears on this pillow where I now lie
My tears burn when I cry
Dear lord...
Oh why, does it have to be this way
Let me hide behind a cold disguise
Cos no one should hear me cry
Dear God... oh why...

Maybe my addiction to pain, anger and misery
Got me acting a little strange
Where is the love? To be honest I'm not concerned
My life doesn't need any kind of rearrange
You may think well who do I blame
For the suffering that I feel

Well I'm all alone, no communication, don't speak to anyone by phone
When I was younger, I didn't get along with my mum
I sometimes wonder why my dad left, yeah he upped and gone
Where did we go wrong? I'm putting my soul into this song
To help us grow at times, we have to learn by our mistakes
But my mind is too far gone
We went from brothers and sisters, to faceless enemies
We went from living close, to living away so far
Now we are left with pointless memories and barely healed scars
Lost all my brothers in the past
So they ask me if I shed a tear, I'm not going to lie
I may look alright on the outside
Deep down though even I have to cry

Oh why, do I have to hide these feelings inside
Deep in my tears on this pillow where I now lie
My tears burn when I cry
Dear lord...
Oh why, does it have to be this way
Let me hide behind a cold disguise
Cos no one should hear me cry
Dear God... oh why...

All I see is these paranoid people,
Bad mouthing each other
Not worrying about who they upset
Cos of them I've got memories that I'd rather forget
I can't even figure what they all mean
They attack when my guards down and take over my dreams
Leaving me drowning, gasping for breath
Haters would accept nothing less
My mind is an absolute mess
What exactly do I represent
How much of my spirit has already been spent?
I feel so cold or have I sold my soul?
Addicted to pain and misery, the story has finally been told
Come take my body lord, don't let me suffer any longer
Where is the end to all my grief, there has got to be a close
I suppose that's why I write the way I do, and cry the way I cry

Oh why, do I have to hide these feelings inside
Deep in my tears on this pillow where I now lie
My tears burn when I cry
Dear lord...
Oh why, does it have to be this way
Let me hide behind a cold disguise
Cos no one should hear me cry
Dear God... oh why...

I've shed tears for years
for my brothers and my peers
You've never heard my cries
Cos my cries are on the inside
Would you cry when it's my time to die?

Oh why, do I have to hide these feelings inside
Deep in my tears on this pillow where I now lie
My tears burn when I cry
Dear lord...
Oh why, does it have to be this way
Let me hide behind a cold disguise
Cos no one should hear me cry
Dear God... oh why...

By Jay Basey © 2009