You stand outside in the pouring rain.
No umbrella, no jacket, and no emotions
spread across your cold, pale face.
You wanted to think you were over it,
but it happened, and it matters.
You barely uttered a word
during your last phone call, which was too brief.
He didn't even notice-
didn't say that something felt wrong,
but everything felt wrong.
You sighed when he said he had to go.
You hung up and stood there,
waiting in the ice cold downpour.
Although you didn't know what love felt like,
you felt complete around him.
But as time went on, the distance killed you.
You felt so alone even when you weren't.
Every "I love you" seemed muted.
Each "Call you later, babe," never happened.
When you told him you were upset,
he wished that you felt better.
He said you could talk to him about anything,
but when you reached out, he wasn't there.
He still had not arrived, and you hated him,
because it was raining harder and harder.
Icy raindrops sliding down like tears
reminded you of how he had treated you in the past,
back before you were dating,
back when you were an almost lover.
You hated what he did to you.
You hated that every time your mind was wandering,
he would show up in your thoughts.
You loved him.
And that's why you said "yes" when he asked you out.
He really wanted to be a full time lover.
When he finally swung by,
you got in his truck and pulled the door shut with your numb fingers.
Your skin was turning blue.
You hated him.
But you loved how the heat was cranked,
and the radio was on your favorite station,
which he couldn't stand.
You felt so weak.
When he pulled you near,
you were torn between melting into him,
and finding enough strength to run away.
You hated this.
