I think this poem is a great start and please, don't thnk I am am trying to tear you apart by what I say. You emotions are raw and real and deserve to be expressed and if your poetry serves that purpose for you then I would say change none of it. The difficulty with poetry, as it is with most writing, is that the stories have been told and said already, which doesn't make yours any less real, but offers you a challange to write you story in a new way, to express it in a way that will make others take notice and want to read about your story. Best of luck to you.

I don't think you are tearing me apart. In all great honesty. I know I'm not the greatest poet. In fact, it was a quick poem i jotted down. But writing poetry is a pasttime I like to do, and hope to get better at. Thankyou for your critique.