Still Affected By You

I don't really know where to begin,
I've never felt so insecure, in my own skin,
I don't understand what's been going on,
I thought I could do this, I thought I was strong.

I guess opening up didn't really work out,
Cause now he knows too much, he knows all about,
The things I did, and the things I do,
The way I destroyed myself, because of you.

I think it's stupid, but he doesn't agree,
Why does he even bother listening to me?
And why am I still affected by you?
I thought I was over it, I thought I was through.

I guess opening up, brought those feelings back,
Now my nights seem longer and black,
I'm doing the things I used to do,
That's just how I deal with you.

I don't understand what's going on,
I'm stuffing things up, every thing's turning out wrong.
But my only escape is causing other people pain,
And yet I still do it, every night is the same.

They don't have to see it, but they already know,
The place I go when I'm feeling low,
The moment the blade cuts my skin,
I wonder how long it will take to sink in

It's not something I think I need to end,
But it hurts so much when I'm loosing my friends.
I guess I'm stuck and I don't know what to do,
I really don't want to talk about the feelings I'm going through.

I've made many mistakes, I know that is true,
But I thought that by now, I would have forgotten about you,
Why is it so hard to forget what you said?
Why the hell won't you get out of my head?

It's harder when I see you, I get paralyzed by fear,
Why the hell did I think you would care?
Why does it still hurt, when I see you around?
I thought I had picked up all the broken pieces off the ground.

I don't understand what is going through my head,
When sometimes at night I wonder if I'd be better off dead.
I hate the fact, that the words you said still hurt,
Why can't I forget you treated me like dirt?

I have to get through this, I have to forget,
I've done so many things, that I regret.
I have to move on, and forget what I knew,
I have to stop hurting myself because of you.