Comments : Summer skies

  • 14 years ago

    by ibelievedhim

    This is beautiful paige! i love the imagery, your so talented 5/5 :)

  • 14 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "Early summer dawn
    yesterday is foregone
    fresh warm breeze
    awakening birds and honeybees"

    I loved this opening stanza, bursting with flavorful imagery on the dot..

    "Clear indigo blue mid summer sky
    the beaming sun so bright
    pure white clouds floating by
    blossoming roses;red,pink,white"

    The first line was a bit of a mouthful, and did not read smoothly. This is where I think you overdosed on adjectives, you do not need so many to make a poem deep and imaginative. Just take some out and it will be better off.

    "Bright red summer evening
    so bright and heart warming
    the sun just about to fade
    staining the sky crimson jade"

    You have already used "bright" three times, think of something new, make fresh sparks!

    "Stary summer night skies
    so wide and beautiful
    shooting stars and fireflies
    so silent and peaceful"

    Again, you have already written "Summer" three times, watch out for re-runs because they will take the reader away from reading..

    I did however love the rhyme in this last stanza and the ability to create a calm atmosphere.

    4/5 I think more work can be done but it is up to you, this is my honest opinion.

    Happy Fourth of July and God bless you!

    ~MaryAnne