Taking off my clothes in front of the mirror
I examine my body
Every inch like I'll find something still there
I tear up remembering my bump developing
Even if I was only a couple months
Closing my eyes hoping to open them
And it will all be a lie
When I first get into the shower
It feels as if my skin is bubbling and burning under the fall of the water
My skin
My body doesn't feel like it is my own
I feel like this isn't real
Like I'm wondering through a storm
Or a dream
Standing in the shower as the water cascades down my hips
A void burns in my stomach
As if I'm missing something that should still be there
Pain ripples through my body
Causing me to grit my teeth
Caving under the pain falling to my knees
But I'm to numb to feel the pain shoot up my legs
Touching my stomach
Thinking back not but one week ago
I had the excitement and anticipation of being a mom
Tearing me up that my baby isn't gonna come back
How I could be pregnant one day?
And it changes the next
I had my dreams
How my little one would grow
How I would love to love from someone that only knows to love unconditionally
Without fail
I want it back.
I wanna be able to look into the eyes
Of my gift
My child
Have the little fingers hold my pinkie
Knowing the they are dependent on me
And I know just how to protect them
With a shield like diamond
