Not Clear

I see the sign
I get a strange feeling
In this heart of mine
Yea it's hard to believe in

It's not any kind of anger
No, not anything good
Just a feeling of missing her
And everything that could

I remember what i threw away
I remember what I ignored
I would go the other way
From the one i adored

Your help was offered
I threw up a wall
I kept talking to her
But didn't consume any words at all

You gave so much
And I simply let it go by
Everything you have and such
Well, now I know why I made you cry

How could I be so obnoxious
I was so numb then
You wanted to solve this
I guess I thought it was all pretend

You went your own way
I cried for hours
I really wanted you to stay
I want more time, "ours"...

I never took notice to what you gave
I didn't appreciate anything
This life you are trying to save
Well, I care about other things

I was overwhelming for you
Way too much that you should've dealt with
What were you supposed to do
I was just a 14 year old kid

You never gave up at all
You kept trying and fighting every excuse
You picked me up and I'd fall
I don't blame you for thinking whats the use

It's okay you left, too
Never should I have made you feel guilty
You're life is for you
Never mind this flower, I really wasn't wilting

I was ready to grow
But I couldn't get enough sun
I was blinded with uses, well you know...
The damage has been done...

I loved the attention
I needed the warmth of care
I guess now I should mention
I only wanted you to be there

Everyone else knew the routine
You were someone different
I thought you lost this knowledge and means
And didn't know what all was in it

The addictions blocked the right ways
The soberness scared me quick
I was too deep in this phase
Thinking about it makes me sick

Seeing you at my end
Well, it meant alot to me
Knowing that I guess you're still a friend
God... it made me so happy

I cried for hours reading that book
Ya know, the Dr Seuss one...
Realizing all that I took
And all that I have done

I don't need a friendship
I don't need anything at all
Just know that our trip
Well, I'm sorry for all of my falls

I was in a crazy state of mind
Never did you do anything wrong
We should just leave it behind
It's probably best where it belongs

I mean, know you helped me
You handled it all well
But I wasn't thinking clearly
And I'm why everything fell