Lost

The one i love the one i lost she left but yet she still remains i want her either gone are fully here not in between she is in my dreams every night i want her gone out of them so bad i just feel so lost in my life i hate to drink really but i drink till i pass out just because i don't want her there when i close my eyes i hate sleep now but i cant live without in and even tho i wish i was dead its not coming soon so how to get away i don't know i wish i did death seems like a friend i long for but never comes am i already in hell is this the punishment from a passed life i really don't know but i want to find out so should i take the razor to my throat or the bottle of pills ? i wish i could but pain comes to all what makes me better than the ones who live with it everyday nothing so why should i take the easy way out because its easier but thats not always better i guess so ill just try to hang in this life i guess