Trust was all you ever wanted [some what long]

Here I sit.
On the grass reading your name on your tombstone;eyes going back and forth trying to understand why you left.

I've known you for years and remember the night you officially became mine.
My eyes fill with tears.
We lost friends.
Family and everything that once mattered the most but always promised each other we'd never leave each other even if it meant moving coast to coast.

We had a fight ; you stormed out that night.
"Why do you Still talk to her?! ; do you love her? Do you want her back ? Are you cheating of me"
I scorned and you yelled back.
"Are you crazy!? I've only and always loved only you . Why can't you see that . You know its true!!"

You stormed out.
My heart dropped to the floor.
Maybe I was just dellusional please come back through that door.

I stood up all night that night. Staring at the phone. Glancing every single second at the window.
Hoping . Praying you would come back home.
Even called my mama.
Made her stay with me.
She said "baby girl. With the love he has for you he'll never permantely leave" little did she know. You had already left the world and me.

Your car drove up the drive way.
My eyes lit up with tears.
I ran to the door but quickly came to a stop.
It was your mama with tears and a box.

The first thing that came to my mind..
We're over that's my stuff. Oh dear god I just wanna die.

She looked at me dropped the box and ran to my sight.
Hugged me; held me close and I had no idea why.
She looked up at me with these puppy dog eyes my heart broke but still I did not understand why .

Was she that upset me and him were parting that this was a "goodbye" but then she said "ash...."
then the two words she said next stabbed my heart.
"He's dead"
Still not letting it get in my head.
How could he be dead he wouldn't ever leave me even my mama said!

I dropped to the floor.
And held my chest . Trying to grab a hold of my bleeding heart but broke out screaming instead.

Later to find that night you had gone.
You were in a car crash.
All you wanted was my trust .
I was just never enough . I didn't deserve you from the start. now we're forever grown apart.
I ask god everyday why'd he take the one thing in my life that was all I needed.
And get no reply just sympathy looks when the world passes by and I spend countless hours here as here I sit
On the grass reading your name on your tombstone;eyes going back and forth trying to understand why you left. But still get nothing......not one peep. Not a single reply..