In his Shoes (Octtava Rima)

by Chelsey   Aug 24, 2010


Two stanza Octtava Rima: abababcc dededeff
Each line as a 10 or 11 syllable count :)

Size 12, flat footed, tired and weary
An aid to sick parents always beats him down
They trust none, which made his conscience leary
Negativity, oppression forms his frown
He's angry, he's hurting, his eyes are teary
His dad paralyzed, his mom in her stained gown
He wants out, he can't take it, no one steps in
He's alone, he's tired, he resorts to sin

Betrayed by familly, not one person to help
He carries the weight of the family on his back
Stepping up since he was young, all by himself
He aids them, tends to them, they cut him no slack
People wish for gold, he wishes for their health
Other families living life, his off track
He's broken, he's bitter, he's worn out his soles
Decieved, abused, his shoes are filled with holes

*true story about my boyfriend who takes care of his sick parents*

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Latest Comments

  • 14 years ago

    by Sunshine

    OMG I feel ashamed no to have u on my favs...which will change now.
    Your one of the most talented over here chels..this just gave me the CHILL>>
    ...such a thought provoking piece that not only revealed ur talent as u penned down a true life story in a very poetic way, using a form..btu also reflected the person beeating inside the guy you wrote about .

    I just love this as much as the one b4..splendid..perfectly worded..nothing to moan about..nothin not to love..and everything to be felt..

    Decieved, abused, his shoes are filled with holes
    ^^ just got a ttypo : Decieved should be:Deceived

    WELL done
    again
    5/5!

  • 14 years ago

    by Angie

    You did an awesome job on this style Chelz Belz, sounds like he's an amazing guy to deal with what he's been dealt in life, its not easy to care for sick parents especially when he's so young, its quite natural for him to feel as he does... a wonderful write as always sweetie, its great to see you trying new styles, keep up the good work, I'm proud of you... huggers

  • 14 years ago

    by chind

    Wowsie wow ! i really loved this!! I love how your words were so descriptive and it painted such a vivid image in my head ! This is an interesting form and i think when i can think of something to write about i will definitely do it ! You wrote this perfectly :D yay!

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